The FashionGrinder Forum

[emmanuel]

There are a few issues i cant let go of. I was 13 she was 30 (my parents 43) and involved with most of my teenage years. She is an overbearing TALKER. My dad is laid back. The biggest thing was her frugality. I owed her money for insurance and she needed me to give them the plates for my car (i paid for) that was still in her name. i had the papers for her to sign it over and less than 30 days for the temp tag. I owed her 50 dollars and she crossed out her name on the title transfer paper! I ended up driving illegally for almost 2 years and of course got in trouble. I know that part of this was my fault and responsibility and i could have prevented it. The issue is i do not like to be around he because she TALKS TALKS and doesn't listen (you've known someone like this!) I didn't see my dad for 3 years and now when i go around i barely get time with him because she is there being overbearing! Wouldn't a decent person understand we'd want time by ourselves! She has major childhood issues and has never grown up! She didn't even call her own 17 year old son on his birthday because they were fighting! Im sorry this is so long but i feel the details are necessary and i need major help! please! any ideas are helpful!!

[emmanuel]

You don't need to forgive her, you need to act mature about your situation. My suggestion would be to call your Dad and tell him you need some alone time with him (with out his wife). That's a reasonable request no matter how long they've been married since he is you biological Father and she is a replacement. What I'm saying is; your Step-Mom no matter how far or close can never be your Dad, and if you need time with your Dad...Demand it, it's your right!

Like I said, I would'nt bother with forgiveness, but if I were you I would start a self improvement program and focus on how to tell people the hard truths. That is, when your Step-Mom butts in, becomes overbearing or what ever she does that falls outside the parameters of being respectful or polite, she needs to be told in an adult way that you don't appreciate that, or excuse me I'd like to finish speaking with my Father.

There are adults in all of our lives that we don't deal with because we are either embarrassed, don't want to hurt their feelings or it's something you don't want to deal with at the moment. The simple fact is: If you don't call out a person that is being disrespectful you allow them to believe it's their duty or it's okay to continue interrupting your life with their insanity. By holding back it's our fault in an odd sort of way. And there is always a way to present a training comment in a diplomatic way, just give it some thought before you open your mouth.
My Mother-in-Law has a habit of saying insulting things, when I started training her I would immediately confront her on the comment and simply ask: Why would you say that! Now days she doesn't say insulting things because she knows I will ask for an explanation. And when she does have to explain it usually works out that she either is making an excuse for saying something dumb or she just said it the wrong way.

It's up to you, but the main thing is maturity and respect.. Good luck:)

[smyth97]

i know that part of your childhood hurt it was when you needing a mother, but we can,t live in the past, stay away from her if she upsets you close that door and live your life there will come a time when thay will need you a lot, that will be up to you for now, live,

[colvert]

She sounds immature and insufferable. You don't need to forgive her, nobody has any obligation, even when they're your related parents, to try to like or be friends with someone they can't stand and who's values and ideas you don't agree with, be it your father or just some random person. I believe in earned respect, not automatic parental and elder respect. If your parent or whoever doesn't earn it, they don't get it automatically because of the fact that they pay for things for you and let you live in their house. If a friend let you live in their house and paid for your food and things, would you let them ground you or tell you what to do? Would you try to respect them and forgive them anyways if they did something horrible? NO! Parents are obligated to take care of you, they'll get arrested if they don't. And it's their choice not yours to give and buy you things. So short answer, you don't have to respect or forgive her. Maybe try to keep the peace as much as possible, but what a lot of people don't realize is even though people will tell you youll be unhappy if you never make peace with your parents, you don't need to. It's unnatural scientifically to be with your parents past the age of about 12 or 13 or so, probably even younger cause that's when you're big enough and can take care of yourself enough to fend for yourself in nature, but our society is unnatural and unhealthy and keeps us with our parents and gives them complete control like were their pets until we're way past the point of maturity. It's why we fight with them so much in our teen years. And they don't understand that. They respond with anger and more limits, which makes us respond with more anger because we're too old for that, we're adults and they keep calling us kids cause they don't know we're not. So, I'd say try to understand her overbearingness, because a lot of parents have issues with that when they have teenagers, understanding is key. She probably fights with her son for the same reasons you don't like her. Any jackass can have a kid. Doesn't mean they deserve forgiveness and respect. Just understand her. Understand where she's coming from. Forgiveness may come from it.