The FashionGrinder Forum

[stock]

*This is a repeat question simply because I accidentally categorized it incorrectly.*

My husband says that parenting is a thankless job. I figure that since I don't yet have children of my own that maybe he is right. Then I think about it... and I remember telling my parents and step parents thank you for EVERYTHING! Even if it was just my step mom wiping up the crumbs I'd left on the table. Perhaps it's because I grew up in a frugal lifestyle but am I right?... even just a little bit?

I believe that at thirteen years of age, a child should definitely be wise enough to know when someone worked really hard at doing something nice for them.

My husband is in the military and so therefore, we live quite a distance from his daughter. He does his absolute very best at being the greatest father he can be (He calls her at the very least, once a day). I'm not sure how he can get around it but I've watched him turn into what they call a "Disneyland Dad." His daughter takes advantage of this and literally expects there to be fun things to do every time she gets to visit (ie: amusement parks, go carts, shopping sprees, hair highlights, etc...) She actually threw a fit last week because my husband wouldn't take her skiing THIS week.

Along with my initial question, how can I help my husband work his way out of this rut without him feeling like his daughter will hate him?

Only kind answers please :)

[cumhea43]

I'm in the same boat with his 12 year old. We insist she's polite and we do not let her get away with murder. It's clear we aren't there to entertain her yet she's free to entertain herself as long as she's not being destructive. Put your foot down but make sure your husband backs you up. Fun things like going to the amusement park are earned both by behaving and doing things around the house. I frequently hear his daughter ask for things and I tell her "I'll compromise and give you _____ if you agree to _____". My parents did this for me and I learned the value of a dollar and responsibility. The sooner in life she realizes nothing in this world is free the better! I treat her the same as I treat my own son, being polite is NOT an option it's MANDATORY.

[cumhea43]

Listen,13 year olds don't appreciate anything or anyone,and it only gets worse. If I were you I would be encouraging her to make friends were you live. She is having fits becouse she is bored. Let her bring a friend with her when she comes over.

[elmoor]

Let her throw her fits. She'll get used to not always doing fun things. She's 13 and going through puberty. There's nothing you can really do. She'll come around eventually.

[aenedleah]

Having raised seven of my own and three step children, I can tell you that 13 year olds by definition are selfish little twits and will take whatever you give them and ask for more, IF you let them get away with it. Sure your husband wants to be a fun dad but ask him, what is this teaching her about the real world. We as adults know that you have to earn those good times and this young one needs to start learning this. So your husband needs to have her start earning the fun via such things as appropriate and polite behavior, good grades, chores etc.

We were polite with our parents because our parents insisted upon it. My children are polite because I insist upon it. You too can insist upon it. Be firm, set house rules, and stick to them.

[bentleigh]

Why not figure out a parenting plan for the two of you to do together..when he is away..you parent the child..placing reasonable boundaries and expectations..

[cumhea43]

His actions have taught her to expect to be treated in a certain way. Since it was very much to her advantage you cannot blame her for not wanting to give it up and being upset with anyone that tried to interfere with that good thing continuing.

Also you must brace yoursel both of you because at 13 that child is becoming a Teenager and God Help you both. Hang on to your butts because if you think she is not appreciative now and throws fits to get her way, woah buddy you just wait and see what's coming down the pike.

[bentleigh]

She has come to expect him to always do fun things with her and when he is unable she simply does not understand. Maybe have a talk with her mom regarding the behaviors and appreciation. However, this may be some of the issue. She feels as though Dad owes her all of this stuff because this is what he has always done went far and beyond to substitute for not being in her life all of the time. As a parent I would say that no parenting is not a thankless job. I thankfully feel very appreciated. Also it is the age, she is a teenager. I think he needs to have a talk with her and make her aware of how she has made him feel. Communication is key in any relationship even father/daughter. Good luck!